


Perspectives {Poetry}

by Thrawn



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: "Prodigal child", Friendship, Gen, Journal Entries, Poetry, References to Addiction, Regret for various sins (including rape and murder in different occasions), Slavery, bad girl turned good, repentant sinner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 07:11:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3969063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thrawn/pseuds/Thrawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a series of entries (poems, really) set in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and supposedly written by the characters, depicting their situations, and how they have to set right their misdeeds.<br/>The nature of the tale is to describe how messed up the characters got, and why they need to straighten their lives out.<br/>The tale is chaste, but describes some Very unchaste conduct (including what's essentially forced sex in the past), so it deals with some darkness- and the aftereffects thereof!<br/>Please do read, review/comment, and enjoy.<br/>By the way, this is my first attempt at poetry in at least two decades, (main reason why I'm writing this: to refresh that skill/talent that seems dormant) but also to produce some morally good artwork.<br/>Please do tell me what you think of the tale.<br/>Thank you for your time and attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Terror!

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes:These chapters are supposed to be the perspectives of the characters on their lives and relationships. It is a series of single stories, all put under one title. During the First thereof: "Terror" by Faith Lehane, she's talking about her fear of her previously violent life, and what it may cost. Later stories will feature other characters POVs on their: lives, relationships, attitudes, and anything else that may matter to them.
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter 1 Author's Notes {Beginning}: This is written in the form of a Journal Entry of hers, in the form of poetry- about her fears based on several stories, and perspectives therein. Several of them are ones about her prison days, another is the novel by Robert Joseph Levy titled "Go Ask Malice", and another is a fanfic titled "Would the Real Faith Lehane Please Stand Up?"
> 
> Written for fun, please read, review/comment, and enjoy.
> 
> This is also basically the thoughts and terror of a sort of soldier before battle begins- one who's got a lot to answer for in their life.

 

**Perspectives {Poetry}**

_**By James Carmody.** _

**Disclaimer:** _ Buffy, Angel, and any spinoffs belong to Joss, and until he decides to sell or give them away, (for his own reasons) they are his alone. I will not accept a single red cent for this or any other fanfic... this is just for enjoyment- of my own and others. _

 

**Poem 1: "Terror".**

**by Faith Lehane**

As I look into myself, I genuinely feel absolute terror; for I see the black hole that has developed in my heart, and wonder if I'll ever recover from this darkness in my heart and soul.

The black hole consumes all it can get. Where will it end?

What did I do to create this monster in my heart/soul?

For when a star, no matter how brilliant, starts to produce Iron, it's only got hours left to live... as it is said to pour endless amounts of energy into the project and it just cannot change the iron into something else- so it just either burns out or simply explodes into a supernova.

The blood of my victims soaks the skin of my hands.

When my master comes to claim my soul; will I be strong enough to resist that real monster- that penultimate psychopath we dealt with in the Sunnydale Hellmouth?

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!

Am I to be consumed from within my own heart; to leave only a bare shell of myself left- to be crushed by someone else when they get in the mood?

NO; I will NOT go down without a fight!

Never in my life was I prouder in the right sense than when Gwendolyn Post told me I kept my room very Spartan, and a fighter I am, so I will NOT go down without a fight- Faith Lehane will spit in the eye of the First before it takes me to Gehenna with him for all Eternity, if need be!

But what odds do I have, a mere corrupted (and corrupt) human; against what's essentially the Devil itself?!

Well, none if I won't stand up and fight,. so that's exactly what I'll do.

All my victims come before my eyes; and all I can say is "I will do my best." but I must question in my own head "Is that really enough? Will it pay the debt for all the hurt, all the pain, all the death I have inflicted upon my neighbor?"

Oh, Angel's assistance helped me massively, but I still wonder if it will work in the end; with all the debt I have occurred- will I be able to pay when the tax-man comes to collect? Not that I fear my judgment; for a chance to make good on my debts, but I fear not being able to repay my debts.

The black hole of sin rises in my heart, and it is literally all I can do to prevent myself from focusing everything upon it to destroy it/drive it out/suppress it until I can remove that threat to my person- before I wind up the very psychopathic girl I was to hurt my friends in the way I did at about eighteen!

I literally have to breathe very deeply about twenty to a hundred times to suppress the shakes that threaten to overtake me at the thought of what the effects of my actions are and how they hurt my friends.

Alexander {Xander}: how do I make up to him for what I've done?! I mean-  rape ?! That's got to be the most horrible thing I could have done to him- and I  _ **wasn't** _ gentle!!!

In summery:  _ **what have I done with my life?!** _

The answer hits me like a one-ton bullet:  _ **I bollixed the whole thing up!** _

When you are on drugs; you literally are the slave of whoever has control of the chemicals you're addicted to; maybe that's what Willow was in the later years of Sunnydale: a slave- if so, she deserves my love... not cruelty for what she's done. And how can anyone who's a slave stand up to their master (especially a slave in this way) if the owner has control of the chemical the slave needs to be (in their own words) "happy"... but is it really happiness? In a word: "NO!".

That's what we were: Slaves! Slaves to not our passions- would that we were; for that would be far easier to deal with than if we were slaves to someone else... or some _ thing _ else: something sadistic indeed! She and I were slaves to the Evil One via addictions: I needed violence- or thought that I did. Willow needed affection (love), but she looked for it in completely the wrong places... so did I, in fact!

Oh, Tara was beautiful, and nice, and fun (pity I couldn't stop myself from picking on the poor woman when I had switched bodies with Elizabeth {Buffy}) but the whole relationship was messed up from the get-go, and it is shocking to see where the women had wound up taking it around about Halloween some years after I met the blonde witch!

I wasn't there to see it, but I heard about it from the grapevine; especially after Willow was a friend and picked me up... we chatted about what had happened to her lover, and how dark she really went- and WOW! I hadn't expected Red to do something so deadly., guess that's what happens when someone kills Red's girl!

Perhaps the reason Willow needs affection (and by that I mean love, practically any form of love, and when love is refused- she has shown the frightening propensity to force others to show her the affection that she desires) is that her parents were largely emotionally absent from her life.

Anyhow: with the rise of the sound of the klaxons, the drive to do my duty is now to rise, and hopefully fear will settle down and let me do my duty.

 

 


	2. "What is Love?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kennedy's journal study on love: that's what this chapter is supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: In this one I am drawing on a number of sources, including general fan point of view (sort of consensus), as well as the comics of Buffy Season 9 volume 3 (Guarded) and the Angel and Faith comics, which include part of a storyline in which Kennedy's still trying to recruit her old colleagues to work with her... judging from her benefits she offers them- I can only reach one conclusion: she loves them and wants, really wants them to be her co-workers so that she may take care of them as a friend.
> 
> Here her family name is “Rodriguez”- the writers are never very clear as to what her other name is in the show or the books thus far.
> 
> This is kind of her journal entry, and should be enjoyed as such. Please read, review/comment, and enjoy.

 

** Poem 2: “What is Love?” **

**By Kennedy Rodriguez.**

 

“What is Love?”

According to at least one source, a fellow from Nazareth of about 2000 years ago whom I heard about from numerous sources- including my Watcher before he died, and my Pastor in the home parish I attended in the Hamptons- “Love is the willingness to sacrifice for the good of another.”

Arguably Love is the most central thing for my code of ethics, as well as the easiest virtue for me to acquire.

The first event of love that sticks out in my head was when I heard about the duty to be willing to die for another in my current job- ironically that is what attracted me to the job of a 'mystical warrior' commonly called a “Slayer”- the willingness to die for another!

Shocking, no? Not when you consider that that is the ultimate sacrifice for another's good.

Consider: if you are willing to die for another to live, there isn't much the forces of darkness can do to bag you... according to Catholic social teaching: the essence of evil is selfishness (“my will” and all that, or “my will over that of all others...”- kind of reminds me of a certain monster in world history, or several: Stalin, Mao, Pizarro, and any number of others who did horrible things did them because they wanted to acquire something or several things and didn't care who they hurt!).

Then I heard about the death of my heroine; a certain Buffy Summers, whom I later found out died particularly to save the life of her little sister. Having a step-sister, I can relate to her need to give up things to keep her sibling safe from harm... but this has lead to any number of squabbles between them, as I learned previously to now.

 

I love her, despite not seeing her as a potential “lover”, my breakup with the woman who took on that mantle was a very upsetting one, but unbelievably I still care about that cute redhead whom I fell for.

The main reason why I asked Miss Elizabeth Summers to work for me is because I love her- not romantically or sexually, but she's my role-model- kind of a big sister. I just realized she was the “Scarlett O'Hara” of my adult-years, but I won't allow myself to fall in love with her- that way only leads to broken hearts and bad relationships.

 

I don't really think this is fair, but it looks as though only those prone to traditional relationships are allowed to find real love- doesn't make any sense at all, but that's the impression I get.

 

I offered Miss Summers every benefit I could to get her to stay on with Deepscan, simply because I love her as a friend and don't want to have her unable to pay her bills.

 

I guess she just wasn't cut out for that job, oh, well, in time she may come back- and I'll keep the job open for her. I was her representative on the board, the one who insisted on keeping her on- and made sure she never learned of that detail!

 

After trying to keep Buffy, and failing, I moved on to her closest neighbor, Faith... I still don't get it as to what makes those I care about leave this business- the whole reason I founded it was to care for them in all ways, and they keep on trying and then leaving... it kind of hurts.

 

Yep, I guess that I do love them, and just want to be a family with them.

 

Before my Watcher died at the hands of the bringers (those monsters! They killed my teacher! He was my friend and I loved him!), he made certain that I understood that to give up my life for another is the sum and summit and substance of love- and it is the highest honor I or anyone could aspire to- but to love chastely is sometimes very difficult for me.

 

I often like to imagine that he reads my journal and responds to my writings in telepathic messages in the manner of a ghost- it is at least a bit comforting to me to see him as continuing to watch over me.

 

Dealing with my step-sister isn't always as easy as it would have been if we'd been related by blood, she and I do not have the best history. When we were littler, we would often fight badly- especially since both of our parents were separated and then married each-other, and that disrupted our family bond badly. To say it was confusing would be an understatement: it was an absolute domestic disaster!

We were at eachother's throats from almost day one!

Well do I remember a situation wherein I and she were watching ourselves at home, and I telephoned my girlfriend, a maiden named “Tiffany” to come over and hang out... I partially did this to enrage my step-sis, who didn't like the fact that I'm into girls! Basically: I was setting a trap!

Well, “Rebecca” (my step-sis, whom I nicknamed cruelly “the b*tch”) comes up hearing the sounds of Tiffany and me making out, and starts yelling at me and her, and it goes exactly as I wanted: she gets into a catfight with me and my girlfriend, and we wind up sitting on her and hugging and kissing! That had been fun, but of course I wound up in trouble in the end.

It was a very lopsided fight: both Tiffany and myself were older, bigger and stronger than poor Rebecca, as well as the fact that we had been taking martial arts for a while (perfect training for a slayer too), so Rebecca didn't stand much chance, and we wound up sitting side-by-side on top of her on my bed.

I remember that catfight like it was yesterday: I was wearing my red short-sleeve sweater shirt and my black hair in a pony-tail, as in this picture: <http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/File:Buffy_kennedy.jpg>[,](http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/File:Buffy_kennedy.jpg)[.](http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/File:Buffy_kennedy.jpg)

Anyways, we sort of enjoyed ourselves while she struggled underneath us- however, my parents were pretty furious with me and grounded me as soon as they came home and found out what I'd done, then they called Tiffany's folks and effectively banned us from seeing each-other. At the time it didn't seem very fair, but now that I look back on it it helped me to see that what I'd done was unacceptable- so I had to be disciplined.

If memory serves correctly about that little 'sitting on date'., I was grounded for a month!

I do regret not being very fair to my kid sister, though.

 

Rebecca is about two years younger than myself, and during that date I was in High School, a Sophomore, to be exact, or a Junior, now that I think about it. Something like that.

 

Anyways, after my little 'adventure' of a duel with what amounts to the Devil- or I get the impression that that wicked spirit is that monster, and I also realize that I'd sacrifice just about anything to keep Rebecca safe.

 

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is devotion, the desire to sacrifice, and the willingness in the end to die for another if need be- it is most commonly found in amongst those who lay their lives down for their neighbors in one way or another, that is what love is.

 

Love is also to hold someone who is crying, to comfort the sorrowing, and to correct the evil doer.

Love is also to protect another from harm.

Love is all that and more... it is the sum and height a human can reach in terms of behavior.

 Love is also a feast for the soul, and to provide such a meal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes End Poem 2: Kennedy here is being portrayed as a fallen away Catholic woman with a few other issues, amongst them is the matter of her being foolish as to what to invest in (corporately), and to deal with matters of ethics.
> 
> This is also a bit of a 'research piece' and deals with her being the kind of gal who loves easily but foolishly as to what kind of deals to make- she is at heart a profoundly loving young woman, but one who has deep trouble with the virtue of purity in behavior and in dress (somewhat)... (kind of the antithesis of the writer of this story, actually, who's comparatively 'strong' (meaning is centered in purity and honesty) and not that 'wealthy' (meaning well developed in regards to charity, aside from confronting evil-doers- an act of love), besides the writer is a fellow and not a maiden, so this is yet again a guy writing a story from a girl's point of view).
> 
> She is also something of a quintessential princess in terms of resources, but akin to those in fairy tales- a fitting term for the kind of gal she is: one prone to wicked deals for good reasons- kind of ruins the good reasons, though.
> 
> Nevertheless, as a personal note: I do like to think of her as something of an adopted sister of mine, so the move of the other fanfiction writers is a nifty touch about making her raised Catholic... it is accurately said in at least one book on us that only about seven percent of us behaves correctly in any consistent amount of time- which leads credence to this theory about her. There's also an element that she's probably either “Black Irish” (descended from the survivors of the Spanish Armada), or outright either Spanish or Southern European in ancestry, which itself indicates that her religious upbringing would probably be of that brand of Christian.
> 
> I also figure she's fundamentally centered on love, in terms of ethics and morals... but doesn't grasp the need to refine it by purification thereof... almost a form of metallurgy if you please.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes End Chapter 1.): This is Faith Lehane POST her stint in Prison. Prior to Prison, she was a happy and unrepentant psychopathic woman, post prison: she was a upstanding young lady who'll do whatever it takes to help her neighbor. Something clearly happened to her in jail. Something that turned her around and into a good woman where before she was a villainess!
> 
> This is my first attempt at Poetry in years (probably decades), so please be both gentle and completely honest with my faults and me; but above all, please do inform me of where my errors are, so that I may deal with them as best I can- this is a work in progress- the writing skills that is.
> 
> My head-canon has the general concept that the First is also known as Lucifer- that's right, it is supposed to be the Devil, and that's the "Master" Faith is so terrified of. Her state of "slavery" is one of addictions- hers is to violence; seemingly induced in her youth., and culminating in her later years of getting so messed up.
> 
> Someone who's addicted is LITERALLY a slave- albeit unlawfully- as they Don't have their full freedom, and that is yet another point in this poem/story.
> 
> Please do read, review/comment, and enjoy! Thank you for your time and attention.


End file.
